Matthew Chapter 2, Part 1

After little itty bitty perfect baby Jesus was born in the little town of Bethlehem, which means House of Bread, in the region called Judea, King Herod was the local ruler, but still part of the much bigger and stronger Roman Empire.

Magi, which sometimes are called kings or wisemen but also kinda means magician, we we really do not know their deal, Magi, and note Matthew never says how many, came from the East and went to the palace in Jerusalem.

When they got there they said, “So, where is the new little future king baby? We saw a star rise and that definitely means a king was born and we are here to totally worship him, baby to be the king of the Jews?”

Herod was not a new daddy, and was most peeved and very much not okay with this, and apparently this caused a messy stir in the city. So he got all the priests and scholars and otherwise booksmart folks he could muster and said, “So the long-prophesied Messiah, chosen one? Where do we think he is gonna be born...”

“Your majestic dudeness, in Bethlehem,” they replied. “Come on, we have been over this. The prophet wrote, Hey Bethlehem, in Judea, you are not no big deal, you are gonna be a very big deal because you will be where the one who totally rule, the shepherd of my peeps, is gonna be born.”

Herod called the wise guys back and whispered, “So, on the DL, when did that star show up?” and he jotted the down the date subtly saying “Cool cool cool...” He told the wise guys, “So yeah, go look like super hard for him, and when you find him, just uhhh lemme know where you find ‘im and I’ll come and worship him too.”

After this convo they skiddaddled and followed the star until it stopped over where that probably toddler and walking by this point child was chillin. When they saw the star stay still, they were overjoyed. And probably a bit tired. They saw little toddlin’ Jesus with his mother Mary, and they bowed down, and worshipped him. This was literally the best kid ever. The original Fathers Christmas they opened up their haul and had an unboxing for the ages. Gold and sweet smelling frankincense and myrrh. Not traditional gifts for a toddler, sure, but Mary and Joseph would figure out what to do.

They had been told to go back to tell Herod where the kid was, but Herod was shady af, they slept on it, they had dreams that said, “Nope, nope, nope, don’t talk to that guy again,” and they got out of Bethlehem before anybody knew their names, how many of them they were, or exactly where they had come from, not that that would stop a few Millennia of rumours...

(Adoration des Mages, Altdorfer, c. 1530)